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A “single” Girl’s Guide to Finding a BF (Best Friend)
Are you tired of ONLY doing life with your hubby and the kids? Do you long for someone to laugh at your stupid jokes...because they just GET you? Do you look at the other moms at the park and silently wish you were in their circle?
If so, you might consider yourself “single” and ready to mingle.....with other women of similar age and current life status.
Making a bestie isn't easy. It's a lot like dating. You gotta be picky because who has time for a flaky friend?
Well, my single friend, I'm here to tell you the secret. If you can learn to follow these 8 simple steps, you're on your way to a surefire bestie status. (Speaking of, now that I'm a mom and I've been in a relationship for 14 years...I kiiiinda wish fb had official status updates for best friends..it would show the cutest pic of me and then the cutest pic of my new bestie with the caption "Keke and Nia are now BESTIES." )
1. BE PICKY - You can't just befriend any old gal on the street. Ohhhh no, what if she's never seen Mean Girls? Or doesn't listen to 90's music? Does she even like talking selfies? In all seriousness, you should be picky about your bestie....you want to surround yourself with people who you can trust, who uplift you, and most of all who love ALL of you...even your flawed, stupid goofy, house-is-a-wreck-and-kids throwing-fits-self.
2. REACH OUT- What's the worst that could happen? Your soon-to-be bestie will say no and you'll go back to NOT being friends again? Yah...not risking much there. So, do you have a facebook? You must have something if you're reading this blog. Go through your friends list, the church contact list, your phone etc and find a person or 5 that you've had somewhat of a connection with. You know, a class together in high school, your ex boyfriend was best friends with her brother, she sits 7 rows behind you in church every week etc. The list of possible encounters is endless. Once you narrow down the list.. SEND THEM A DANG TEXT MESSAGE! And I don't mean "Hey girl what's up?!"...ok fine, that'll do if it's all you can muster up...however, I suggest you offer up something that requires a response like "Hey Margie, I hope you and your 5 kids are doing great...I just had my 3rd...life is crazy! Do you still live nearby?”
3. MAKE A PLAN- A few texts in with your new bestie, invite her to hang out! And keep it simple stupid is always a good motto for a first 'playdate"...which is exactly where I would start. Kids, pets....all a great distraction. If you don't have either of those...meet for coffee, which is 100% the thing to do these days whether you're close with someone or not. But never, under any circumstance, make a plan with
the husbands. Or boyfriend. This is going to be YOUR new friend...someone just for you. Obviously you need to introduce the significant others if this works out...but until then? Just take some time getting to know your new bestie and making sure this will be a good fit.
4. ASK QUESTIONS- I learned this from being the one answering all the questions. (Shout out to Chel! If you her, you know what I mean..) People love to talk about themselves. Sounds bad, but its true. Even you do. When someone takes an interest in you, it feels good! So be the one who asks questions, even if it feels awkward. We're way past the age of caring what people think about us when we take interest in something or someone.
5.HELP- The other day I went on a playdate at McDonald’s with a friend from high school. We rarely ever hang out..in fact, this was our kids’ first time to meet. Of course both of our 2 year olds spilled their orange juice...mine was the first and while I was cleaning my child, my playdate mama cleaned the floor...and that’s how it went when her son spilled his 20 minutes later too. Don’t just watch your soon-to-be-maybe-bestie scramble...at the grocery store ESPECIALLY! Mom’s at the grocery store are ALWAYS, deep down, trying to hold their crap together no matter how shiny their smile is. Go over and offer a hand to those people! And really, as a woman, we are all on the same team...so wherever you are..just lend a helping hand instead of a sideways glance or heavy sigh
6. FOLLOW UP- After your first “playdate” with your maybe-bestie, send a text and follow up on a piece of info you gained from #4. Ask them how you can pray for them during the time in between coffee dates and give a response that shows you care.
7. SHARE- nothing makes you look more trustworthy than spilling a bunch of details about your life that you wouldn't want repeated. And nothing makes you seem more relatable than sharing the raw details of your life as a mom. That mom is struggling just like you are, she just might not feel safe enough to open up to you--so make her feel safe. One way you can ensure safety among your new-maybe-bff is to never ever judge her. She might tell you bad things, sad things...and if you want to have a long term, committed relationship with her, you have to learn to understand her and her struggles even if you want to shake her sometimes.
and last but not least...in fact, I believe this to be the KEY to a long lasting friendship
8. REPEAT- just don't ever stop doing the things. The best friendships go the deepest, laugh the hardest, and love the biggest! Allow yourself to knock down walls and be vulnerable...because we just don’t have time for surface level friendships. HARD PASS.
AAAAAAND GO!
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